Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Mixed feelings and surprising grace.

GENESIS 45:1-3
Then Joseph could no longer control himself before all those who stood by him, and he cried out, “Send everyone away from me.” So no one stayed with him when Joseph made himself known to his brothers. And he wept so loudly that the Egyptians heard it, and the household of Pharaoh heard it. Joseph said to his brothers, “I am Joseph. Is my father still alive?” But his brothers could not answer him, so dismayed were they at his presence.

O Lord,
sometimes I'm so overcome
like Joseph I need some space,
some time to reveal my true self.

I wonder when Joseph
"wept so loudly that the Egyptians heard it"
did the Egyptians, the bystanders
understand his weeping --
a mixture of remembering all the bad that had happened
and marveling at all the good that had come.
a mixture of anger and sorrow,
of longing for family, even the ones who betrayed,
the longing for home.
a mixture of forgiveness and joy to embrace family.

I know how mixed feelings can be:
fear, unknown, scared,
loved, accepted, forgiven,
needed, looked to for answers,
lonely, depressed,
surprised by grace
Mixed all at the same time.

Through it all,
you Sovereign Lord,
were working for Joseph's good
indeed for the whole family's good
to save those who sought to kill him.

Come, Sovereign Lord,
work in my life too,
be at work for my good
and indeed for the good of all
saving all who need it most.
Give me a glimpse of how you are using me.

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